Successful* family self-portrait session, Christmas 2012

*if "successful" is defined as: laughing and laughing and laughing, getting smacked in the face by a baby a lot, and not ending up with one picture out of nearly a hundred that portrays us as mannered, civilized people.

(We are not big on celebrating Christmas--basically we spend it like we do any holiday, celebrating the fact that we have a day off at the same time. This Christmas we stayed home all day. Kamal giggled at almost everything I did; Adam cleaned the kitchen and made amazing spaghetti and meatballs and my favorite-of-all-time cake, Gramercy Tavern's Gingerbread; and we spent about twenty minutes attempting to commemorate such a lovely day together with some photographs, but couldn't figure out how to fit ourselves all in the frame, get the baby to stop punching the grownups in their mouths, or quit giggling. The result is a bunch of blurry, off-center shots that show, I think, a family that loves each other fiercely, plays together joyfully, and is unapologetically überdorky. Quality photography? No. Accurate portraiture? Totally.)

Kamal's Christmas present to us

The first time Kamal rolled over from his belly to his back I posted about it here. Adam and I were as excited about that sudden, accidental-looking rollover as we were about the fact that we were both home and watching him in the instant that it happened. That we both got to witness that milestone, together, felt like an incredible gift.

Then we waited and waited for him to do it again, and when it didn't happen, we figured that rollover had just been a bit of a fluke.

Four days before Christmas, Adam had run out to the grocery store for just a few minutes. I set up Kamal for some tummy time on the yoga mat. He looked up from the mat, beaming at me, and he was so cute that I ran to get my phone to snap some photos.

Almost as soon as I was back and parked in front of him with my phone poised for picture taking, this happened:

rock rock rock rock rock

wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle

yup.
that's how i roll.

Each of those stages lasted a good several seconds, with Kamal flailing his little arms and legs around like a turtle trying to right itself. It was clearly no fluke; rather, it was a very deliberate act. It was the very first time he'd rolled himself over with any sort of detectable intention, and only the second time he'd rolled himself over ever. I was as thrilled to capture these moments as I imagine any wildlife photographer capturing some rare animal's covert grooming ritual might be.

Much later that night--actually really early the next morning--Kamal and I were up in the big orange chair, nursing. There was an enormous clap of thunder. I started, Toby cowered, and Kamal went on nursing peacefully as though nothing had happened. A few minutes later, I changed his diaper, then set him down in his playard and went to wash my hands. Just as I came back and was about to picking up there was another enormous clap of thunder. I looked down at him expecting him to be terrified, or at least startled.

And he laughed. He laughed again after the next clap of thunder, and the next. My very first thought was, "He's talking to God." I don't exactly know what my position is on the existence of God, is the thing--but it felt really clear that he was talking to something. He was talking to the storm, maybe, or to the sky. The conversation was obviously delightful.

I know he's only a baby. I know he's not yet five months old, unable to talk to us or understand exactly what we say to him. But he does communicate, in ways that sometimes make me forget he can't talk. He has an outrageous sense of humor and an outpouring well of love. He's connected, online, so much more than just a little bundle of milk-need and sleep-stealing. He perceives things, I feel certain, in a way that maybe all babies share, in a way that we adults just don't quite get. Whatever frequency Kamal listens to, it assured him that this particular loud, house-shaking noise was no threat, that in fact it was a friendly sound, or a celebratory one.

And I can't help but think that Kamal saved his first flukey little rollover for a moment when he knew that both his dad and I would be watching. I can't help but think he waited till I had the camera ready to capture his first deliberate, effortful rollover so that his dad could experience it through the photos, and so that we could share it with our friends and family, all of whom would maybe be almost as thrilled as we were. It was our wise little baby's gift to us, generous beyond price and freely given, and it was as perfect a gift as anyone could want.

Yay, Offbeat Families!

When we were planning our wedding, I was all about Offbeat Bride, and I was so thrilled to rediscover Offbeat Families when Kamal came along. After feeling hugely burned out on online parenting communities that I found cloyingly precious/anachronistically heteronormative/kinda judgey, Offbeat Families has been none of those things--it's just been a refreshing, faith-renewing reminder of why I actually really like the internet.

So this morning I was scrolling through OF's blog posts, and lo and behold: our very own Small Kamal got a little spotlight action on Offbeat Familes' Monday Montage!  Holy moly, did it bring me a thrill to see his little face beaming out at me from my monitor.


Check it out!

Offbeat Families' Monday Montage, 12/17/12

Completely delicious (and GLUTEN-FREE!) chocolate quinoa cupcakes. No, really. No, YOU shut up.

I made these cupcakes and they are so, so good.

Look how pretty and chocolate-y they are! Don't you want one? Besides being pretty and delicious, they're gluten-free. Neither Adam nor I have any sort of wheat allergy or gluten intolerance, but we have lots of friends that do, and it's nice to be able to bake for them, too.

Besides, even though I wouldn't by any means call these rich, incredibly moist treats healthy, using quinoa instead of white flour adds protein, fiber and magnesium to the recipe--so I think I can safely say that they are somewhat healthiER than your average chocolate cupcake. (If you're allergic to wheat or gluten, though, these are definitely way better for you,obviously.)

I took the picture above to show you, in case you had any doubts, that the recipe produces cupcakes with a very cake-y, totally legitimate crumb. In fact, I think I like these better than a typical wheat-based cupcake. The very picky Adam and a couple of friends taste-tested these, and everyone liked them. Major props to Cake on the Brain for my new go-to cupcake recipe!

Bonus: The whole recipe got made in our new old Vitamix! I did have to turn it off and poke around in it a bit to get the dry ingredients to sink enough into the wet ones and mix properly, but I'm thinking that might not be an issue in a newer Vitamix. Either way, not a big deal, and still super-easy cleanup.

Also: I found that this recipe made me 16 cupcakes, instead of the quoted 12. It is possible that my batter pour is just miserly, though. 

Lastly: I made this recipe a second time, subbing coconut oil for the butter. They weren't as good. Follow the recipe. Butter is your friend.

Okay, really lastly: These look so dark and gorgeous in these pictures because I used Black Onyx cocoa powder for a third of the cocoa powder the recipe calls for. For the other two thirds, I used Dutch cocoa. What makes Dutch cocoa different from other cocoa powder is that it's alkalized, which results in a milder, smoother chocolate flavor. Black Onyx cocoa powder is much more heavily alkalized, which makes it very, very dark and chocolatey. I got mine at our local Savory Spice Shop; if you don't have one near you, they sell it online, right here.

---

Here's the recipe, as published at Cake on the Brain on February 13, 2012. 

BEST EVER QUINOA CHOCOLATE CUPCAKES 

adapted from Quinoa 365:  The Everyday Superfood

Makes 12 large scrumptious cupcakes

• 2 cups cooked quinoa, cold (see note below for instructions to cook quinoa)
• 1/3 cup milk
• 4 large eggs
• 1 tsp pure vanilla extract
• 3/4 cups butter, melted and cooled
• 1 1/2 cups organic cane sugar
• 1 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
• 1 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp salt

*1 muffin tin (large cups, large cupcake liners) with 12 wells.

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.  Line the muffin tin with the 12 large-sized cupcake liners.  
2. In a Vitamix, Blender or Food Processor, combine:  milk, eggs, vanilla.  Blend until combined.  Add 2 cups of cold cooked quinoa and the melted butter and continue to blend until smooth.
3. Dump in the sugar, cocoa, baking powder, baking soda and salt into the Vitamix.  Blend well to combine.  
4. Pour from the blender directly into the cupcake liners, evenly distributing the cupcake batter between the 12 liners.  Gently tap the tin on the counter to ensure there are no air bubbles.  Smooth the tops with a small spatula (or your finger!)
5. Bake in the centre of the oven for approximately 30 minutes.
6. Test the cupcakes for doneness with a toothpick or cake tester.
7. Allow to cool for 5 minutes.  Remove from the pan and allow the cupcakes to cool completely on a rack.
8. Frost if desired with Swiss Meringue Buttercream using a 1M Wilton tip.  Decorate with the chocolate lace hearts (see post above for the easy method I used).  Bling it up with dragees if desired.
9. Cupcakes can be stored sealed in the refrigerator for up to 1 week or freeze for up to 1 month.  But I don't think they'll last that long.

Note:  Bring 2/3 cup raw, rinsed white or golden quinoa to boil in a heavy saucepan with 1 1/3 cups water.  Cover, reduce to simmer and cook for 10 minutes.  Turn off heat and leave covered saucepan on burner for another 10 minutes.  Fluff with fork and allow the Quinoa to cool.

Rice Cooker Method:  Cook rinsed quinoa as you would rice, following manufacturer's instructions and the indicator lines for appropriate water levels.    I made 1 cup quinoa and found it had enough leftovers to make another dish.

Email dated August 5, 2012 (two days before going into labor)

sent to my very dear friends Jenjen and Mayumi:

I am, at this moment, literally SURROUNDED by teeny-tiny clothes. This is a serious dose of reality. This is more laundry than I do for myself in, like, six months. This is a giant puzzle: why do clothes labeled "3-6
months" look sometimes the same size as newborn clothes and sometimes the same as clothes for nine-month-olds? For that matter, why are newborn clothes a separate thing from 0-3 month clothes? How do I figure out how many of these from each stage to keep? Everyone says you can't have too many onesies, but there has to be a
limit, right? What about hats, how many hats does a baby need? Does a baby need a balaclava? I don't know! I
have a baby coming any minute now and I don't understand anything about his wardrobe and clothes are, like, my thing.

I am in over my head. Almost literally, the way these clothing piles are growing.

Halp.

Love,
Relle

A little over four months in to the parenting experience, I'm a lot (a LOT!) calmer about the whole infant-wardrobe gestalt. Turned out to be quite a bit simpler once there was an actual small person to dress. And as it turns out, a baby DOES need a balaclava--or at least, as Kamal proved today, it comes in really handy on a long walk with a lovely friend on a very chilly day. 

Nap time

These are the good old days

Today Kamal and I danced to Rodrigo y Gabriela while Adam vacuumed the house and then took pictures of us.

Later, after a Facetime chat with Adam's parents during which Kamal giggled and burbled and then fell fast asleep, Adam and I stole kisses.

When you have a baby, everyone tells you to enjoy every second of it. And some days that's really hard to do; some days you're barely able to keep your eyes open or from bursting into tears. There are days where trying to enjoy every second just feels like one more task to complete, on top of and simultaneously with cleaning spit-up off of everything and changing a diaper and breast feeding and returning work emails and scheduling doctor appointments. 

Today was not one of those days. Today was an ordinary day, no more or no less sleep-deprived and spit-up-filled than any other, but today was golden. I was with my family, we are all healthy and safe and sound, and I know that one day, when Kamal is too big to carry while we whirl together around our cozy cottage, I will look back at Sundays like this with wistfulness. I will remember clipping Kamal's tiny nails while he slept in my lap. I will remember Kamal screaming with laughter while Adam nuzzled his chubby neck. I will remember Toby swiping his huge tongue over Kamal's face before I could intercept, and Kamal's little hands reaching delightedly for Toby's big, grinning, furry muzzle. I will remember dancing with my baby, the impossible softness of his hair under my chin, his fingers wrapped around my finger, his unique Kamal smell, like cocoa and violets and vanilla and lambswool. I will reach back in my memory for this golden day, and I will find it and know without a doubt that even if I had only lived this one day, more joy was mine in my life than I ever knew anyone could expect.